I can’t sleep because I can’t get over how unfair life is. It’s nothing new, I know. But for every time I’ve thought better of myself life just seems to fuck me over. Whenever there seems to be the slightest glimpse of success in sight, I would hold on to that thin thread of hope, wishing somehow that one day things would turn out the way I planned it to. It’s hard picking up myself after all these years of failure not seeing any positivity and I try my very best to keep on going thinking that one day I’ll finally live up to my own expectations. I just think I deserve more for what I have done. Is that too much to ask for? I mean I put in as much effort as anyone else but somehow things just never seem to work out for me when they do for others. It’s depressing and hard to keep a faith knowing my prayers never seem to be answered. There’s a limit to everything and I feel that emotionally and spiritually every part of me is just d i s i n t e g r a t i n g into nothingness.
this moment is the exact definition of perfection; i don’t know anything more intense and beautiful than two people, madly wanting each other but still restraining themselves because the tension is too flawless to be broken.
I’m not ready to start saying goodbye. not ready at all. I’d rather go through As over and over again than have my loved ones start leaving me one by one. and for me to eventually leave home in months to come. We’ll meet again that’s for sure, but things are never going to return to the way they used to. It’s expected and I’ve expected it and even looked forward to it but yet now it seems too soon. It always seems too soon. This unexplainable sadness, indescribable mood I’m in right now.