I’m exhausted. i really really am.
but at the same time i feel both accomplished and empty at the same time.
Today officially marks the end of A divs for our team. i’m so bloody proud and happy of every single one of my teammates and how far we’ve come. We ended off our season with our overall best played match this whole season and that joy i felt when i heard the final buzzer is really indescribable. It felt all so surreal. I really couldnt believe we won and it feels amazing to know that all the sweat, blood and tears that we’ve been through together as a team has finally paid off. 

I think i’m thinking too much because of all the what ifs. like what if we hadnt let in that stupid last second goal for the yjc match, what if our team had stepped up right from the start of season, what if i took my chance with that backhand shot. I know i’m not supposed to be thinking of the impossible because there’s no going back in time. I feel that we really are so so so unlucky and i know we cant just blame it all on luck but we were so close to our goal. looking at the competition this year i honestly honestly honestly think that our team deserved that spot in the semis. we could have had this :(

Starting next week, there will be no more night trainings. No more 6-9 trainings and study/slack time before with the team in some random classroom before getting chased out by the uncle who will chase us out from another classroom and eventually the hall at 9. No more hearing coach’s voice shouting at us to “WAKE UP GIRLS. WAKE UP”. No more 7 minute warm ups, 3 queues, relay off, 1VS1, random matches with each other. No more wise words from coach/life lessons. I think what makes me most upset is the fear that our team wont stay as bonded after training stops. I love each and everyone so much i dont want to lose anyone of them. 

I know it’s time to put everything down and finally be able to concentrate on my studies but i just know that i will feel that emptiness in me starting from next week. I’m already hating post seasons because a part of me feels missing already. I dont know what to think anymore and i’m going to bed and sleep on this. Hopefully i feel much better after this weekend’s rest.